It's Dark In Here

A wife often saw her lover at home while her husband was at work. One day, her 8-year old son hid in the closet to see what his mother was doing with that man.

A moment later the husband came home unexpectedly. In panic, the wife hid her lover in the same closet.
Son: It's dark in here.
Lover: It is.
Son. I've got a soccer ball.
Lover: Good for you.
Kid: Do you want to buy it?
Man: No. thanks.
Kid: My father's out there.
Man: OK, how much?
Kid: $250!

A few days later, the kid was in the closest again with the mother's lover.
Kid: It's dark here.
Man: It is.
Kid: I've got great baskets.
Man: (remembering the last time, grimaces): How much?
Kid: $500!

A few days later, the father says to the kid, "Get your baskets and your soccer ball; we'll have a party"
Kid: I can't, I sold them.
Father: For how much?
Kid: $750!
Father: It isn't right to swindle people like that. Those things never go for those kinds of prices. I'm taking you to church for confession!

The father takes his son to the church, shoves him into the confessional, and closes the door.

Kid: It's dark in here.
Priest: Shit, now don't start that again!

Well-Endowed Polly

A man suspects his wife of cheating on him so he goes to the pet store to shop for a parrot. He sees quite an assortment of parrots for sale for five hundred to a thousand dollars, but that's a bit more than he wants to spend, so he's delighted to come across one for sale for thirty dollars.

"Why so cheap?" he asks the clerk.

"His dick is oversized and that embarrasses the customers" the clerk explains. The husband buys the bird anyway and places it on a perch over the bed.

The next day the first thing he does after coming home from work is to rush upstairs. "Well, what happened today?" he asks the bird.

"Well, the milkman came, and your wife told him to come into the bedroom, and they took off their clothes, and got into bed."

"So what happened next?" screamed the irate husband.

"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch, hit my head and knocked myself out."

Detective Boudreaux

The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley and sent their famous detective Boudreaux to investigate.

Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. "Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin'" he began.

"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "de Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."

The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

Boudreaux: "De duck won."

Creative Defense

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.