Little Larry!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.

The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'

'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

---

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.

'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

---

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

---

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'

 Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

---

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

The New Secretary

The Manager hired a new secretary, she was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?"

He did not understand her remark, yet latter on he happens to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her in, he asked, "by the way, Miss Jones, when you say my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Why I Don't 'Get' Cell Phones.

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uh, I'm like you, just traveling!"??

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Okay, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.. I tell him "No. I am a little busy right now."

Then I hear the person say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions"

Cell phones, don't you just love them!

It's Dark In Here

A wife often saw her lover at home while her husband was at work. One day, her 8-year old son hid in the closet to see what his mother was doing with that man.

A moment later the husband came home unexpectedly. In panic, the wife hid her lover in the same closet.
Son: It's dark in here.
Lover: It is.
Son. I've got a soccer ball.
Lover: Good for you.
Kid: Do you want to buy it?
Man: No. thanks.
Kid: My father's out there.
Man: OK, how much?
Kid: $250!

A few days later, the kid was in the closest again with the mother's lover.
Kid: It's dark here.
Man: It is.
Kid: I've got great baskets.
Man: (remembering the last time, grimaces): How much?
Kid: $500!

A few days later, the father says to the kid, "Get your baskets and your soccer ball; we'll have a party"
Kid: I can't, I sold them.
Father: For how much?
Kid: $750!
Father: It isn't right to swindle people like that. Those things never go for those kinds of prices. I'm taking you to church for confession!

The father takes his son to the church, shoves him into the confessional, and closes the door.

Kid: It's dark in here.
Priest: Shit, now don't start that again!

Well-Endowed Polly

A man suspects his wife of cheating on him so he goes to the pet store to shop for a parrot. He sees quite an assortment of parrots for sale for five hundred to a thousand dollars, but that's a bit more than he wants to spend, so he's delighted to come across one for sale for thirty dollars.

"Why so cheap?" he asks the clerk.

"His dick is oversized and that embarrasses the customers" the clerk explains. The husband buys the bird anyway and places it on a perch over the bed.

The next day the first thing he does after coming home from work is to rush upstairs. "Well, what happened today?" he asks the bird.

"Well, the milkman came, and your wife told him to come into the bedroom, and they took off their clothes, and got into bed."

"So what happened next?" screamed the irate husband.

"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch, hit my head and knocked myself out."

Detective Boudreaux

The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley and sent their famous detective Boudreaux to investigate.

Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. "Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin'" he began.

"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "de Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."

The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

Boudreaux: "De duck won."

Creative Defense

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.